October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month – you see pink everywhere. This is wonderful and we should have the awareness that one in 8 women are affected by Breast Cancer. However, what you may not know, October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
One out of 3 women have experienced Domestic Violence in their lifetime.
Three out of four people personally know someone who is in an abusive relationship.
Every 21 days a woman is a victim of a Domestic Violence homicide.
A purple ribbon signifies Domestic Violence Awareness.
Domestic Violence actually touches more families than statistics report. Men are less likely to report their abuse, so they go undetected and less documented. Domestic Violence is society’s dirty little secret between married couples or partners. Because it’s considered a “family” problem, people do not want to get involved. However, what you do not know is this it isn’t just between a married couple and it is by NO means normal or acceptable.
Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, sex, religion, financial status, educational boundaries or race. Anyone can and is touched by Domestic Violence.
A person living with domestic violence is experiences nothing short of terrorism. A person living with a violent partner is suffering silently succumbing to complete control over their actions, their associations, finances and any other means his or her abuser sees fit to use or withhold to maintain control. A person living in domestic violence is isolated from those they have loved like family, friends and even children. An abuser does not want other opinions in their rein of terror other than theirs.
You do not know who is living in this situation because they keep silent for fear it will be found out. They are embarrassed or convinced by their abuser they deserve to be treated badly. If the violence does surface for all to see, the victim is blamed for the abuse he or she has endured. The abuser will deny it all and most will believe the attacker. The abuser explains that their victim is too sensitive, crazy or over exaggerates. Many see the abuser as a “good person” – no way would he or she ever hurt or control another person. The abuser is an excellent actor as well as the victim. For if domestic violence is suspected by the outside world, the victim will endure a rage from their attacker to insure suspicions of the violence would never surface again.
Who are the victims of domestic violence? Your Mothers? Your Fathers? Sons, Daughters, Sisters, Brothers? Friends? Co-workers? Clients? You? You know them – they are right next to you living in a hell like prisoner of war. A prisoner IN OUR OWN country held by a terrorist. And this is totally accepted or overlooked by society. And this is totally wrong.
You may be in an abusive relationship and may not want to admit it. This is very terrifying because once you admit it; it is hard to rationalize your abuser’s behavior. It is even harder to accept.
If a person yells at you, demeans you by calling you horrible and vile names, hits, spits, shoves or chokes you, withholds affection, is silent, punches a hole in the wall or throws a plate of food across the room – this isn’t just having a bad day. This is domestic violence.
If a person doesn’t like your friends, gets angry when you want to do something with or without their permission or gets jealous of others having your attention; this isn’t someone who loves you. This is domestic violence.
If a person doesn’t let you go to school, get a job and has complete control of the finances, this isn’t just being the head of the household. This is domestic violence.
If a person “disciplines” their children aggressively and excessively, this isn’t being a good parent. This is domestic violence.
Domestic violence can be and many times IS explained away – bad day, alcohol, drugs, parents, people at work, stress, money troubles, foreclosures … anything. But when violence is used to control another’s behavior so the attacker will have their own way – at all and all costs; this is domestic violence and YOU DO NOT have to live with it or tolerate it.
There are shelters through out the United States that will help make a safety plan. And victims will need the assistance of a safety plan to remove themselves from a violent situation.
Break the silence. Help and assistance IS out there. Victims DO NOT have to live in terror anymore! It is hard to leave and will be the most difficult thing you will ever do in your life, but so worth it.
If you know, or think you know, of someone living in an abusive relationship, don’t dismiss it as their partner is just that way. They are living in danger. Above all, believe them. Many won’t and don’t making it near impossible to ask for help. Be there for them by assisting them (when they ask) to the nearest safe place or shelter. Donate to your local Domestic Violence Shelter or Safe house – charitable gifts of money or household goods, personal items and toiletries will help so many who have endured so much.
This October, by all means, support the Pink – but, support the Purple, too. And look at the person standing next to you – they may be suffering in silence.
I volunteer at our local Domestic Violence shelter.
